Go Get Your Mother

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walks up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother.

Unaware that Labor Day weekend was so close and in desperate need of a day off, I took last Friday off from work. This was not just any day off, but the first paid day off of my life. The day itself felt like any other day off, but it was sure nice to get the same size paycheck deposited into my bank account last night.

So to celebrate the occasion, Jen and I spent our three day weekend in Pennsylvania at our friends’ new home. There house sits right on the Susquehanna River in a very rural part of York. The river forms the border between York and Lancaster counties so, being so close to Dutch country, we spent some time visiting authentic Amish markets and shops.

We began passing traditional horse-drawn black buggies almost as soon as we crossed the bridge to Lancaster. I would smile as we passed, admiring their simplicity and the patience they have to slowly travel down the highway. I would love to know what they thought of the crew cab Dodge Ram (with a Hemi) that we rumbled by them in. But I didn’t just want to pass Amish people in traffic. I wanted to actually interact with some - to hear their accents and taste their food and buy Amish things.

Our first stop was a gift shop, where we got the scoop on the day’s Amish activities from a very effeminate, but kind older gentlemen. He daintily pointed out every authentic Amish knickknack we eyeballed, gave us directions to and an unnecessary explanation of the “standing market,” and went on and on about how much he loved his job because it allows him to talk to “lovely people” like us. He also told our friend Chelsea that, “with a figure like hers,” she should feel free to eat all the treats the Amish have to offer. After grabbing a Christmas gift for my Mennonite-admiring Grandmother and an Amish made candle for our apartment, we got the hell out of there and headed to the big Saturday Amish Market.

After taking advantage of a photo op in front of the antique covered wagon, we entered the indoor Bird In Hand Farmers Market. I was happy to see so many young Amish people behind the counters.  Girls wear their hair pulled back tight (so tight some were already balding) under a bonnet and guys don a weird bowl cut.  All have bad teeth (I guess dental work is frowned upon).  I was even happier when I realized there were more samples than at Costco on a Sunday. Everything we tried was pretty awesome but the pecan sticky buns stick out. We ended up buying sausage and cheese, cider, and some chocolates.  I had so many shoe-fly pie samples that I decided against buying my own to take home. Everyone who helped us in the market, mostly young Amish girls, was kind and truly happy to help.

Their main values, which I recently looked up, are humility, family, and community. They celebrate mild and modest personalities and believe yielding and patience for others is a sign of maturity. As odd as their culture may seem, I really had a sense of admiration for their grateful attitudes and humble, simple lives. I don’t see Jen or myself deciding to give that lifestyle a go, especially not in NYC (ha, can you imagine!?), but all those happy Amish people in Lancaster, PA at least made me think.